Let us look back at the year passed. These are the stories which spoke to me the most. I pray they will touch your memories as well.
January. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Florida’s self-proclaimed Savior has fallen from the temple of sanctity into the abyss of failure. Sister Rhonda Santis has given up the race for President in abject defeat and thrown the vote to the name that trumps all names. In keeping with the name I have bestowed on this Floridian charlatan, I demand that there be no aborting of this campaign, and Sister Rhonda must remain viable through the entire race. Can I get an Amen?
February. Sisters-in-Christ, let us REJOICE! Much like the Lord moved through Mary and Martha in the Bible, a woman has once again been the vessel for triumph! Sister E. Jean Carroll held steadfast in her convictions over evil and was given her earthly reward in the courts of justice. Not only did a man lay hands on her in an unspiritual way, but that man’s later ill-intended words about her inspired her to fight for justice. To the man in question, whose name shall not cross my lips, I offer scripture. James 4:11 tells us, “Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it.” And to Sister E. Jean, I offer this admonition. May your church be blessed with a gift of 10% of your victory. Alleluia.
March. One man of political importance has heeded the call of retirement and will be stepping aside. Brother Mitch McConnell will no longer hold his position of power in the U.S. Senate. Prayers have been offered for his well-being ever since his moments of extended pause during speeches. Accusations that he was not mentally well seemed awfully harsh. Yet, as we learn of his latest moves, I’m beginning to believe that memory care is in his near future. Lo, after a three-year period of open disdain, Mitch is choosing to support the madness of his party’s presumptive destiny. It is my belief that Mitch’s mental acuity is quickly becoming like most of his political moves . . . unbending, uncooperative and just plain crazy.
April. Let us turn our gaze upon our former FLOTUS, Sister Melania. She has kept a very low profile these past few years causing me to wonder if she had returned to her homeland. Fear not, as she is in the news for a recent event that she hosted at the Mar-A-Lago house. Mel focused her squinted eyes on a gathering of the Log Cabin Republicans. Thinking this was a group of syrupy conservatives, I had to look them up. These are all sodomites! Sodomite Republicans! They were raising money for “an effort to deploy resources to key swing states in educating voters about conservative LGBTQ+ causes.” And Melania was thrilled to be in their well-dressed midst. I guess if there are Christians proclaiming DT as a faith-friendly President, it stands to reason that a bunch of perverts can proclaim him as gay-friendly as well. I am prayerfully considering that if Log Cabin tries to build a bridge between the gays and Number 45, there will soon come a cargo ship without a rudder to take care of THAT!
May. This just steams me up. I have long had a disdain for Methodists for many reasons, not the least of which is that their services are 15 minutes shorter than Babatists so that they beat us to lunch places. But really, they’re just permissive Babatists. Anything goes, just give your 10%! To bolster my argument, the Methodist General Conference met last week and overwhelmingly voted to remove a rule forbidding “self-avowed practicing homosexuals” from being ordained or appointed as ministers. Can you imagine?? This could potentially put sodomites and lesbyterians in the pulpits of Methodist churches. I take solace in the way the vote was worded, however. “Self-avowed, practicing homosexuals” will be welcomed. Thank the Lord that closeted professional homosexuals will still be banned. Hallelujah!
June. Big news from the Mexicans. While it seems that countless of them are crossing the border, there is comforting news from the halls of government. Mexico has elected its first woman President. (Or is that Presidenta?) Sister Claudia Sheinbaum is now leading the land across the border. I’ve heard she’s a liberal. I’ve also heard she’s Jewish. Jewish Mexican Liberal….my head may explode. But I must be reminded that our Lord and Savior was a Jewish Liberal who has been turned into a Christian Fox News viewer by many false prophets. Therefore, I pray that Sister Sheinbaum is able to remain true to her calling because whatever differences she and I may have, she’s still a woman-in-ministry, and that makes it all worth it. Praise!
July. God Bless America! Patriots everywhere will gather to celebrate the 248th birthday of our great nation this week. Beer will flow, fireworks will explode, and our flag will be represented in everything from blouses to bundt cakes. Yes, brothers and sisters, let us revel in our freedom. And once the celebration is passed, we’ve got four months to get on our knees and pray that it doesn’t all come crashing down in November. If Benjamin Franklin were around to see the state of this election, I daresay he’d get that kite out, wait for a thunderstorm, and fly it with metal wire. Glory!
August. Alas, scripture is being rewritten in the sinful city of San Francisco. City leaders have agreed to begin ticketing and/or arresting the homeless. Let’s reflect on this. Someone down on their luck and living on the streets PROBABLY will not be collecting coins to pay any tickets. So, there’s that. And secondly, if the government is going to throw these people in jail, at least they’ll have a roof over their head. Still, that seems a bit backwards to fulfill Christ’s words in the 25th chapter of the Gospel of Matthew: “For I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink, I was a stranger and you took Me in, I was naked and you clothed Me, I was sick and you looked after Me…….” Hard as I tried, I could not find the verse that said, “I was homeless and you harassed me, ticketed me or arrested me.” Sometimes the Bible can be so difficult.
September. This has got to be another sign of the End Times. Conservative Repugnican father/daughter powerhouses, Dick and Liz Cheney, have publicly stated that they will be voting for the Demoncrat candidate for President in November. We haven’t seen this kind of cross-party voting in decades! The fact that Brother Cheney views DJT as a threat to our democracy is rather ironic given Dickie’s behavior during his time running, I mean, assisting in running this country. Offspring Liz is less of a surprise due to her willingness to push back against our 45th President and his mercenaries. Still, I’d be curious to know if that Lesbyterian sister of hers had any influence on this decision. Sister Mary has been awfully silent these past few years. I’m not really sure why, but I highly doubt that her tongue has been stilled in any way. And Lord knows she didn’t have anything to do with Dick!
October. This story really caught my attention. I was heretofore unaware that there is an annual contest to name “America’s Best Restroom.” Some people just have too much time on their hands, but I digress. It seems that the 2024 winner is located in a gas station in Salt Lake City. As one enters the realm of these rooms of rest, one passes by “nature scenes” on the walls. Once inside, defecators and urinators are greeted with “soothing earth tones” and “murals of snow-covered mountains and blue sky.” I’m not sure what it is about all of this which elicited so many votes of approval. Apparently, the road travelers in this area are delighted to have the experience of “going” in nature but having the luxury of toilet paper and plumbing instead of leaves and dirt. Whatever. I’d just watch out for Mormon husbands looking for more than a place to pee.
November. The Lord has seen His people choose a new leader of the free world. Because He gave us free will, we are free to choose our journeys. I called the Lord this past week and inquired of Him the consequences when half of His people on earth choose a journey on which the other half must travel without choice. He said He’d call me back. Still waiting. In the meantime, we are all now called to follow others into earthly battle. Casting scripture aside, we are to wage spiritual warfare on the poor, the outcast and the alien. Much like the Kings in the Old Testament, we might witness the smiting of other lands. Behold, this new Jesus stands at the door and knocks to make sure there are no illegals in our homes. But one scripture will always be sacred. Jesus Wept.
December. I am beyond bereaved at news of yet another school shooting. Why must these innocent children and their teachers be constantly subjected to such violence? But the differences this time are notable. The troubled shooter was a 15-year-old girl, and the school was not a public school but rather a private Christian school. (Clearly school vouchers will not protect our children.) Notably, it is a school named after Scripture found in John 10:10 where Jesus said (in red letters) “I have come that you may have life and have it more abundantly.” Also in Scripture, Matthew 19:14, Jesus pulled out the red ink and said, “Suffer the little children to come to me.” There is no interpretation of that scripture which reads, “Let the little children suffer when coming to me.” I pray that every school in this nation will be able to welcome its students to Abundant Life on a daily basis. And that all guns be beaten into plowshares. I’ll let you look THAT scripture up on your own. Amen.
