Does anyone know when the act of gathering one’s thoughts about current events became a full-blown cardio workout without the benefit of burning any calories? Lord knows, if thinking and overthinking only did that, many of us would be rail-thin.
Gathering one’s thoughts nowadays only elevates the heart rate and increases blood pressure, with the byproduct of producing a kind of mental fog caused by prolonged discombobulation. Many of us are muddled and befuddled, rattled and addled, by a whole host of subjects, and the remainder of us have probably checked out or simply never checked in.
Let’s just throw out some topics, from international to local, that would require the intensity needed to read An American Tragedy to comprehend intelligently and factually. We can start with Iran.
The median age in the United States is roughly 39 years, so half the population was born in or after 1987. Only a minority of Americans have a living memory of the Iranian hostage crisis that began in 1979 and ended in 1981, and many of those who do were in grade school when it happened. As it happens, I was of voting age at that time, so you’re free to do the arithmetic if you’re so inclined.
That the United States attacked Iran in 2026 for reasons that are at best unclear and at worst unjustified is rather bewildering. Was this needed and the right thing to do? Was there a plan beyond the military attack, some strategic goal to be obtained? If there were such a strategy, is it being executed effectively? All in all, we don’t have a very good track record for these sorts of invasions that would allow those questions to be answered affirmatively. No wonder so many are thinking, “Second verse, same as the first.” And as the third, and the fourth, and the fifth. Stop it, Craig, you’re not burning calories here.
In the midst of this, we’re still getting drips and drabs about Epstein. New findings confirm some old speculations while encouraging new ones. Whether or not we have the endurance to get to the whole truth remains very much to be seen, while what we would do with it if we got it is another question entirely. What would the American dog do with that car if it caught it? My heart rate is going up, so I’m out on this one.
The local news should be relatively safe, except the big story in Dallas is about whether or not City Hall should be torn down and the property sold to developers. I won’t get into the weeds, but I have lived here since before the Iranian hostage crisis and can smell a boondoggle from 500 paces. That’s an easy one to catch, even if it’s not good for my blood pressure.
The Oscars were last weekend, although most folks didn’t watch the telecast. Some folks don’t tune in under the belief that the show has become too political in recent years. Truth is, Oscar has always been political. Not just following the wins of Marlon Brando and Vanessa Redgrave back before the Iranian hostage crisis, but back when Joan Crawford’s 1946 win revolutionized how to campaign effectively for the win. She could teach those boys and girls in Washington a thing or two about Iran.
There wasn’t a big, controversial moment at the awards show this year. So we’re reduced to haggling about why it was Barbra Streisand and not Jane Fonda who was the honorary widow to the late Robert Redford. According to Variety, Fonda—no stranger to controversy—“playfully quipped, ‘I want to know, how come Streisand was up there doing that for Redford? She only made one movie with him. I made four!’” Hooray for Hollywood!
There is another benefit to doing an actual cardio workout, and that is building endurance. That is, undoubtedly, a good thing for both mind and body. So while some of us may have to make do with a physical form that has passed its sell-by date, our minds can use that kind of exercise. The brain needs to be able to take a licking and keep on ticking.
For extra credit, go back over this column to spot the three conscious references to the era before the Iranian hostage crisis. If you find them all, there’s a good chance you’re gay, more old than young, and susceptible to permanent influence by Madison Avenue.
