November has arrived, darlings, and apparently nobody told your exes, relatives or neighbors that boundaries still exist.
Dear Sassy,
My ex has started texting again after six months. He says he’s changed and wants dinner to prove it. We broke up because he kept disappearing for days. I miss him, but I also remember how miserable I was. Do I owe him a hearing?
– Second Helping
Darling Helping,
You owe him absolutely nothing, including a table reservation. Missing somebody is not evidence that the relationship deserves a sequel. Sometimes you miss the good parts because the bad parts have finally stopped happening.
Convenient little trick, memory. If you are curious, ask what actually changed. Not what he feels, what he does differently. Has he learned to communicate when life gets complicated? Can he explain why he vanished without turning you into the villain? Does he understand that trust is rebuilt through consistency rather than a charming speech over appetizers? You can ask those questions by text.
There is no requirement to sit through a dramatic reunion dinner to collect the answers. If his response is vague, defensive or impatient, you’ve learned plenty without buying a cocktail.
And if you do meet, make it coffee or a short walk with a firm ending time. An ex doesn’t get automatic access to your heart because he remembers the door code. Let him demonstrate change at a distance before you consider letting him back inside.
Sassy, Please Advise,
My brother turns every family dinner into an argument about politics. If anyone disagrees, he gets louder. My mother says we should just ignore it to keep the peace. I am tired of being held hostage over mashed potatoes. What do I say?
– Silent Majority of One
My dear Majority,
Your mother is confusing peace with everybody else sitting quietly while one man conducts a cable-news audition. That’s not peace. That’s dinner with a hostage negotiator. You cannot control your brother’s opinions, and you shouldn’t try.
You can control whether the entire table becomes his captive audience. Before the next meal, tell your mother and brother plainly: ‘I want to enjoy dinner together. I’m not debating politics at the table.
If it starts, I’ll change the subject or leave.’ Then follow through without giving a speech. One reminder is plenty. ‘We’re not doing this tonight.’ Ask somebody about their garden, their trip or the dessert.
If he keeps going, excuse yourself. No theatrical exit required. Your brother is welcome to believe whatever he believes. He is not entitled to turn every gathering into his personal broadcast studio.
And your mother may discover that the quickest way to keep the peace is to stop asking the quiet people to do all the work. Pass the potatoes, darling, not the microphone.
Dearest Sassy,
My neighbor watches everyone on our street through her doorbell camera and sends the group chat screenshots whenever someone parks in front of her house. Last week she posted a picture of my date arriving. She says she’s keeping the neighborhood safe. How do I tell her to stop treating us like a reality show?
– Not Ready for My Close-Up
Darling Close-Up,
A doorbell camera is for watching your doorstep, not producing a neighborhood surveillance franchise. Your neighbor may record what happens in public view, but she doesn’t need to narrate everybody’s social calendar to the group chat.
Start privately and plainly. ‘Please stop sharing pictures of me and my guests in the neighborhood chat. It’s intrusive, and I don’t consent to being the subject of your updates.’ Keep the request about her behavior, not her motives. A safety concern is one thing. Posting your date’s arrival for an audience is quite another.
If she continues, mute the chat and ask the group administrator to set a rule against posting identifiable neighbors or visitors without a legitimate safety reason. Don’t retaliate with screenshots of her. Competing surveillance campaigns are not a charming new community amenity.
You can’t prevent every camera from seeing the sidewalk, but you can refuse to participate in her amateur detective series. If she has an actual concern, she can report it to the appropriate person. Otherwise, darling, she needs a hobby that doesn’t come with push notifications about your love life.
That’s all for this week, darlings. Keep your manners sharp and your excuses brief.
Have a dilemma? Send your questions to asksassy@hesaiddallas.com. Your secrets are safe with me. Your excuses will be examined.
