Top or bottom? Where to head for gay-cation?
Go down south and there’s Mexico, waiting for you to take advantage of it like a cheap whore in a donkey show. Then to the north, we’ve got the majestic beauty of Canada and its abundant supply of manly Mounties (presumably looking for a few good mounters).
But for today’s travel adventure, we’re going to give you the scoop on all things Montréal. It’s like a charming French city without all the nasty attitude of actual France. The history is amazing, the food’s fantastic, the nightlife’s crazy, nearly everyone speaks English, our dollar’s actually worth something there, and it’s less than a three-hour plane ride from just about anywhere in the continental U.S.
And did we mention it’s très gay?
Getting There
Plenty of carriers fly into the Great White North, but we found the friendliest service we’ve had in years on Air Canada. The planes are comfy, every seat has video on demand and the flight attendants actually smile (even the ones over 50!). And they don’t even charge you to check a suitcase!
Sleeping There
Delta Montreal may not be the most chic hotel in the city, but the location’s absolutely perfect and the rooms are huge. An indoor pool, decent size gym and rooms starting at just $94 per night make this centrally located address a great place to stay within walking distance to many top attractions, and just a block from a Metro stop to venture out even further.
475 Ave du President-Kennedy
http://www.deltamontreal.com
Spending There
Many people will send you to St. Catherine Street if you ask where to go shopping. And while it does have plenty of great shops, it’s filled with many large American chains that we can see just about anywhere in the world. We found Boulevard Saint-Laurent (also known to locals as “the Main”) to be much more charming. Filled with boutiques, resale shops and plenty of great restaurants and bars, this hip more-Bohemian boulevard is great for strolling in the warmer months (www.boulevardsaintlaurent.com).
During the winter months, do like the locals do and head underground. With more than 20 miles of connecting passageways, you’ll find retailers, liquor stores, restaurants, artwork, fountains and access to entertainment venues and everything else happening above ground. It’s like John Travolta’s plastic bubble—only bigger. With a Banana Republic.
Eating There
The only legitimate reason to travel, in our opinion is to experience the local flavor. And in our case, that means eating. A lot of eating.
Start out in the morning at the world-famous St-Viateur Bagel (263 St-Viateur O) and grab a fresh-out-of-the-oven sesame seed bagel for less than a dollar. Or start the day off with a fabulous sweet or savory crêpe, or a delicious little quiche, at Crêperie Chez Suzette (3, St-Paul street E.).
For lunch, you absolutely have to try Schwartz’s Montreal Hebrew Delicatessen (3895 Saint-Laurent Boulevard). Philadelphia has its cheesesteaks and Montreal has the Smoked Meat Sandwich. Specially marinated for ten days then smoked for hours, the sandwich is dressed with mustard only and served on rye bread. Expect to wait in line for a few minutes before plopping down at a table with other patrons. Just keep your hands on your own pickle (1/2 sour, of course).
For terrific, square, thin-crust pizza at lunch, check out La Piazzetta (1101 Sainte-Catherine East). While there, sample the Egyptian Dukkha, a genuinely unique appetizer to share, even if it is a little bizarre for an Italian-inspired joint.
Our fave dinner spot is Restaurant Boris Bistro (465 McGill Street), which is elegant and chic without the high prices. They have one of the best patios in town, some killer duck risotto and a few astoundingly delicious cocktail recipes. But it’s the French Fries cooked in duck fat that draw the biggest fans.
Poutine, one of the city’s odder favorites, is French Fries topped with cheese curds and beef gravy. It’s a great late-night carb overload that you can find just about anywhere and they all taste pretty much the same. But for a real after-hours treat, head to Restaurant Beijing (92, rue de la Gauchetière Ouest) in Chinatown for some orgasmically good egg rolls, large bowls of soup and gigantic entrees. And with so many Chinese people eating there, you know it’s gotta be good.
Partying There
The “Village” is where you’ll find most of the gay bars, all within walking distance of each other. You’ll happen upon everything from bath houses (in case your hotel shower breaks, you know), leather bars and full-frontal strip clubs. Here are but two of the places we spent too much money on Molsen beer and lap dances.
To satisfy your size needs, head to Sky Bar Complex where you’ll enjoy a pub, cabaret, hip-hop room and dance club all in one multi-level space. Dance the night away to some great French songs, and of course plenty of Madonna.
Our other favorite, for purely anthropological research, is Stock Bar. The boys are cuter than the other strip joints we sampled. Even though they perform cheesy Chippendales-style routines, unlike their bare-chested/bow-tied brethren these guys take it all off and it appears they’re happy to see you, too.
Throughout the year, Montreal throws some of the biggest gay events in the world, making it a year-round gay destination. There’s the stunningly large Black & Blue in October and Le Bal des Boys in December (www.bbcm.org), as well as their gay pride event in July, Divers/Cité (www.diverscite.org), among many, many more.
Sky Bar Complex
1474 Rue Ste-Catherine St. est
http://www.complexesky.com
Stock Bar
1171 Rue Ste-Catherine St. est
http://www.stockbar.ca
