Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news.
Pot: America is simply going to pot. I was in prayer with a woman from my church, Sister Mary Jane, at our Monday morning prayer vigil on 04/20. We as Christians are high on the hog about the legalization of marijuana. It is bad enough that we outlawed Prohibition and opened the floodgates of legal alcohol sales, but accepting marijuana as a legal substance creates a true joint problem. I am not just blowing smoke…we need to be on our KNEES about this. Lord knows what other filth will come down the pipe if this sin is accepted. There is too much hunger in this land as it is for us to unleash throngs of perverts with the munchies. Alas, perhaps it should happen just to prove to the masses that the grass is NOT always greener. Pass it on!
Willie Nelson: And while I’m on the subject, famed singer and hippie, Brother Willie Nelson, is planning on “rolling out” his own brand of marijuana. Color me shocked. However, this portends a very dangerous trend of “celebrities” promoting pitifully obvious products. Sister Miley Cyrus “spreads” herself thin with a porn channel, Brother Lance Armstrong, “lies his way” into his own line of drug testing kits, Sister Madonna, “reveals” her own line of underthings, and Bobby Brown, “pulls the plug” on his own line of bathtubs. Lord help us.
Lily Pulitzer: We are living in the end times, sinners. I may not have seen four horsemen on the horizon, but reports of shoppers lined up and THRONGING into Target stores for FASHION? I don’t give a rat’s hind end WHO Lily Pulitzer is, but Target is simply not a place where fashion should be a cause for crowd control. When I read that “fashions were flying out of Target,” I merely assumed that it was because said fashions were horrified to be in there and couldn’t wait to get out. What’s next? Caviar at McDonald’s? Hear my prayer!
Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.
