Sin is rampant in our lands today. It is with great humility that I am able to bring you a Christian perspective on the evils of today. Read and be filled.
Footlongs: Let us reflect on the amazing powers of Subway sandwiches and their ability to cause great weight loss. Brother Jared Fogle became Subway’s spokesman after he claimed to have lost an incredible amount of weight, strictly by eating Subway sandwiches. Post-weight loss photos of Brother Fogle showing him in the jeans he USED to wear, revealed what appeared to be enough room for another person. Sadly, Subway recently discovered that it was Brother Fogle’s intention to make room for middle-school girls in his pants. Not only is this behavior criminal and inexcusable, but I pray that these poor young women will mathematically learn what a foot-long REALLY looks like. Let us pray.
Filth: The filth and degradation of the interwebs have revealed yet another stain on humanity. Canadian-based adultery website, Ashley Madison, was created to give married people an opportunity to register to cheat in fornication with other married people. Now, some fine upstanding hackers have been able to reveal the entire database of Ashley Madison’s clients, revealing a trove of filth applying for missionary positions. Truly, I pray that those affected will find redemption and comfort. However, I am lifting my hands in praise for the revelation that Brother Josh Duggar, Christian reality television personality and avowed pedophile, has now been revealed to be cheating on his wife via Ashley Madison as well. Brothers and Sisters, we are all sinners. But when you go on television professing to be a saint, the Lord can get highly irritated. Judgment, Thy Name is Karma.
Football: Speaking of hypocrites, let us turn our gaze towards Waco, Texas and the institution of higher learning known as “Jerusalem on the Brazos.” Baylor University…The Baptist institution of higher learning which unleashed yours truly on the world. I have long been in awe of Baylor’s ability to remain above the fray when it comes to moral failings. I have rejoiced in Baylor’s claims to be a bastion of sinless behavior in this heathen world. How heartsick I am now to read that the Baylor football program has been protecting a player with a history of violence and abuse against women. In 2013, player Sam Ukwuachu, a man of color, raped a female, fellow athlete coed during the Homecoming festivities and, as revealed in his recent trial, Baylor has been protecting valued football scholarship recipient Brother Ukwuachu and NOT the female coed. This is truly fine Baylor University morality at work. Let us give thanks that the current Baylor President is Judge Ken Starr…a man whose pursuit of sexual misconduct is legendary. Rejoice!
