2016! A new year is before us! Unfortunately, the sins of this world don’t give a crap. Here we go with more filth in our midst.
Guns: 2016 has brought us a new law sure to cause consternation. As of January 1, it is now legal in many states to openly carry a gun or firearm in public. I’ve been praying for wisdom on this new law and have come to this conclusion. Not all laws must necessarily be validated. For instance, it would be perfectly legal for Donald Trump to make a beach appearance wearing nothing but a very small swimsuit. No matter the legality of such action, common decency would advise against it. Therefore, I’m praying that all gun owners will continue to keep their weapons respectably concealed. I mean, just because you HAVE a big, long Glock doesn’t mean we all want to SEE it. Hallelujah!
Goons: What a blessing that ethnic privilege has seized the day once again. A group of gun-toting, white landowners in Oregon have taken over the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge building, a federally owned structure. Claiming anger over the Refuge expanding its reach by gobbling up ranch and mining land from inhabitants, guns have been drawn and the building occupied. Interestingly, these fine Christian white people have not made a request for specific restitution either. I’d just like to prayerfully point out two things. One, were these “militia” members of a different ethnicity or major religion, methinks that the National Guard would have swooped in already. And secondly, surely there are Native Americans in Oregon standing by and thinking, “Sucks, doesn’t it?” Glory!
Gowns: Lord help us all! I’ve just received word of a men’s health initiative called “Real Men Wear Gowns.” I have searched my heart and soul for an understanding of this idea. How in the WORLD is cross-dressing good for men’s health? Thankfully, I’ve come to learn that the Gowns in question are hospital gowns, and the initiative encourages men to see a doctor when they’re not feeling well, rather than “being a man and suffering through an illness.” Well, praise the Lord for this clarification. Now I can turn my prayer life to the more important issue of hospital gowns having no backside. I shall be upping my volunteer time at local hospitals to lay my eyes personally on the results of this initiative and to point out any cracks in the process. Praise!
Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.
