I am grateful to be able to share this week without having to discuss ANY particular presidential candidates. Glory!
Tank Top: Apparently, Richard Simmons has been “missing” for a while now, and some are concerned that he has been kidnapped by people who work for him. So much has been the concern that Brother Simmons felt the need this week to issue a statement that he is fine. Let me say this…any stretch of time without that gym-short, tank top wearing Sodomite showing up on my TV is, in my opinion, a spiritual retreat of great magnitude. I’m glad he’s doing fine, but I, personally, am praying for continued convalescence. Amen?
Trudeau: What a blessing to see two North American political figures meeting in one accord this past week. The U.S. President and the Canadian Prime Minister in conference together in Washington. Such glory. While I’ve long been a fan of the foreign mission field to our north known as Canada, I haven’t had much interest in Canadian politics. However, with the election of the new Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, my interest has been aroused, to say the least. I am currently seeking a ministry opportunity which will take me to Ottawa in the hopes that I will be able to lay hands on Brother Trudeau in an attitude of blessing and healing, and that he will rise in a personal summit of glory at my touch. Lord, let it be!
Time: This weekend’s time change was a glorious opportunity to weed out the heathen in church. All those who failed to “Spring Forward” showed up an hour late for services. However, other than this chance for me to lay waste those who failed to be timely on Sunday, I have no use for this false conservancy of daylight. Still, it does concern me that we will be “Falling Back” in time this autumn, right around the time of the Presidential Election. Let us begin praying even now that we will maintain falling back merely one hour and not a generation or more. Hear our prayer.
Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.
