The arrival of puberty is life-changing for everyone, and how that change manifests is dependent on the individual. One of the signs that something was afoot for me was when my interest in magazines went from Tiger Beat and Photoplay to GQ.
It wasn’t just that the clothes were fabulous and appealed to my budding gay sensibility. The impossibly beautiful models wearing those clothes were what drew my eye. Just as with fashion layouts today, there would be a tantalizing view of flesh, usually bronzed, which was quite hard to come by at the time.
But while the magazine itself was fueling some pubescent dreams, there was an ad in the back that seemed to offer something a little extra. It showed a shirtless man wearing a pair of hip-huggers belted so low that the bone was showing. Hip bone, that is. The picture in the ad was too small to be sure what else was on display, but it was sure worth 25 cents plus 50 cents for postage to find out. So I shoved a dollar bill in an envelope and sent it to an address on Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood to get a catalog. It may have been the best dollar I ever spent.
Ah Men was a mail-order business specializing in clothing that was obviously targeted at gay men. Swimwear with mesh insets that left just enough to the imagination to be titillating was available, along with underwear that went even further. The models wore short shorts and tight shirts, usually open by one button more than would be seen in polite society. While all this beefcake on parade certainly filled its purpose, so to say, it was the loungewear, especially the kaftans, that I actually wanted to have.
All good things have their moment, and in short order, Ah Men catalogs as well as those from International Male which followed couldn’t hold a candle to what would be the full-on flesh peddling of Blueboy, Honcho and Mandate. Of course, those magazines are gone, too, having given way to the “services” available on the internet.
But my kaftan fixation would remain. My first one was striped with earth tones on an orange background, very much of its day. The simple construction of the garment led me to strike a deal with my aunt Mozelle, a most talented seamstress unlike Mother who could barely sew on a button. She would make kaftans for us if I bought the material. I wore those until the seams were held together with safety pins.
When Karl got liberty in Hong Kong on his last sea tour with the Navy, I met him there and had kaftans made for next to nothing out of Chinese silk. Silk, despite what some may think, is quite durable, and one of those is still hanging in the closet. A friend and co-worker made several for me a few years later, each beautifully lined and still in rotation. Together with the ones I picked up in department stores, I’ve avoided T-shirts and sweatpants for my at-home attire.
So when the pandemic hit and we were in quarantine, a kind of online descendant of Ah Men and International Male hit my radar, with basic kaftans on offer in addition to racy underwear. It was at that stage in 2020 when it was unclear how long we would be at home, so I bought three for less than the price of a two-martini lunch anywhere in Dallas.
A couple of weeks ago, this merchant sent me an email to let me know that everything on the website was on sale going into Black Friday—deep discounts, so they said. Well, “deep” and “discount” are two of my favorite words, so I bought a few more, doing my part to help the economy.
Somewhere out there in the internet world, it was decided that this particular consumer might be interested in scarves. At pennies on the dollar, I could whip up some turbans to match those new kaftans and sit at home in style, looking something like Norma Desmond, but hopefully missing the crazy.
The upshot of these purchases is Mr. Zuckerberg’s algorithm isn’t sure whether I’m a gay guy looking for sexy skivvies or a Muslim woman in search of the perfect hijab. That’s a first, even for me. But telling the internet that I’m interested in a website that sells underwear to gay men in addition to kaftans has jammed some interesting items onto my feed, right between the political polemics and pictures of grandchildren and dogs.
So screw up the algorithm, and visit some gay underwear sites. Mr. Z will send you what you want to see, even if you’re not in the market to buy, and even if you’re not a gay man. We all deserve to spice it up a little, don’t we?
And while you’re at it, check out the kaftans. They’ll change your life.
