Two years before America turned 100, one of the all-time greatest inventions occurred.
Great as the typewriter, incandescent lamp and Levi’s jeans may be, we’re not talking about any of those 1874 creations.
Instead, we’re talking about the sexiest, most boner-inducing of all undergarments: the jockstrap. Also known simply as jocks, or athletic supporters if you’re talking about them over tea and crumpets with stodgy people, they’re made of only a little bit of material to leave very little to the imagination—all to our voyeuristic benefit.
Seeing a jockstrap in the wild (i.e. Equinox locker room) can still be a rare sighting, so it’s that much more exciting when it happens.
Celebrate the jockstrap’s 150th birthday with us now. We’ve gone through our underwear drawer to see which jocks have stood the test of time and earned a place in our permanent rotation. (We own more than 50, so it was a real Sophie’s Choice to narrow it down to a mere Top 5.)
Put one on first, then feel the breeze on your butt as you read on for our favorites of all time.
The original, forever classic Bike #10 jockstrap isn’t fancy, but there’s something so perfect about it. Not only does it hold everything in for actual athletic activity, it’s the reason we watch The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas at least once a year.
Dallas-based Marek + Richard has a lot of fun, cutting-edge styles of underwear and jockstraps, but much like the classic Bike #10, we love their simple Core Jock, available in tons of colors, from purple and pink to lime green and mango. Upgrade to straps imprinted with Cum Whore and other fun phrases if you’re feeling extra cheeky.
The only thing we love more than jockstraps? Lots of jockstraps! And ES Collection makes it easy to grow our supply with the 7 Days 7 Colors set. Blue Monday? Black Friday? Teal Tuesday? All possibilities here, and at less than $5 a pair, it’s the underwear bargain of the century.
Milk, milk, lemonade…’round the corner, there’s a hole in your undies! Not sure about you, but there’s something extra seductive about this jock. It looks like regular briefs up front, but holds a nice big surprise in the back. The support’s great, too, by the way.
Is that a bottle in your crotch or are you just happy to see us? Maybe it’s both! The Eco Collective from Andrew Christian utilizes recycled plastic bottles to create surprisingly soft jockstraps that true to the name, feel almost like you’re naked. Available in aqua and fuchsia, they’re super-gay, super-cute and earth-friendly to boot(y)!
Now join us in celebrating the jockstrap’s 150th birthday. We’ll get a cake and candles. All you have to do is blow.
