Did you miss me?
Retreat. Brethren, I beseech your forgiveness for my absence these past few weeks. I took some time for reflection, retreat and relaxation. While my sodomite assistant, Paul, went on a raucous trip to the sodomite mecca of Provincetown, I was able to meditate in peace and get on my knees for important matters. I have been renewed and now return to the task of offering my Christian commentary on world matters. I know I have missed much, but let’s pick up with recent news. Join me in prayer.
Revival. The Demoncrats held their fellowship meetings last week in Chicago. What a bunch of liberals! I was prepared for all their pre-eminent leaders to blow hot air each night in a display of political verbiage. Yet, I was called to view all of it on television for prayer purposes and was convicted in my Spirit. Sister Clinton gave us heartfelt words of “I told you so,” Sister Crockett led a mini-revival, Brother Joe B. offered presidential thoughts, Brother Sanders spoke socialistically, Brother and Sister Obama continued the revival (and Michelle, Sister Grande wants her ponytail back), Brother Clinton gave us oral testimony, Brother Pete B. spoke gayly, Brother Potential VP Walz joyfully followed his precious child’s introduction, and Brother Kinzinger offered conservative wisdom (and caused me to stumble in my walk with the Lord with his eyes). Finally, Sister Kamala took the pulpit for a sermon of family reflection and fiery retort. Brothers and Sisters, I felt like Paul on the Road to Damascus. I have seen the light! Let us pray for victory over Agent Orange in November!
Rewritten. Alas, scripture is being rewritten in the sinful city of San Francisco. City leaders have agreed to begin ticketing and/or arresting the homeless. Let’s reflect on this. Someone down on their luck and living on the streets PROBABLY will not be collecting coins to pay any tickets. So, there’s that. And secondly, if the government is going to throw these people in jail, at least they’ll have a roof over their heads. Still, that seems a bit backward to fulfill Christ’s words in the 25th chapter of the Gospel of Matthew: “For I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink, I was a stranger and you took Me in, I was naked and you clothed Me, I was sick and you looked after Me…….” Hard as I tried, I could not find the verse that said, “I was homeless and you harassed me, ticketed me or arrested me.” Sometimes, the Bible can be so difficult.
