I’ve been away for a few weeks, but back with some important observations.
Latrines. This story really caught my attention. I was heretofore unaware that there is an annual contest to name “America’s Best Restroom.” Some people just have too much time on their hands, but I digress. It seems that the 2024 winner is located in a gas station in Salt Lake City. As one enters the realm of these rooms of rest, one passes by “nature scenes” on the walls. Once inside, defecators and urinators are greeted with “soothing earth tones” and “murals of snow-covered mountains and blue sky.” I’m not sure what it is about all of this that elicited so many votes of approval. Apparently, the road travelers in this area are delighted to have the experience of “going” in nature but having the luxury of toilet paper and plumbing instead of leaves and dirt. Whatever. I’d just watch out for Mormon husbands looking for more than a place to pee.
Letters. As I have long been a fan of the English language, I am also aware of how one single wrong letter can ruin one’s meaning or intent. While each of our 26 letters can do this, I want to concentrate right now on the interconnectedness of the letters R and D. The mix-up of these two letters can cause a myriad of mistakes. For instance, Old Testament prophets often blew upon a Ram’s horn, not a Dam horn. Children can be Rowdy, but rarely Dowdy. Legal professionals can Demand a Remand, but they’re two separate things. Imagine my frustration, then, that a particular McDonald’s restaurant brought in a clown for a promotional frying. I always the McDonald’s clown was named RONALD. Let us keep these distinctions clear at the polls next month, brethren. R and D votes will have vastly different results. Let us pray.
Libations. And speaking of a big D, I just didn’t need to know about a famous golfer’s anatomy, especially as related by a person seeking political respect. I am a Southern woman, and I love an iced tea. Sometimes, I mix it with cool lemonade for an extra zest, a popular mixture that has come to be known using the name of the aforementioned, well-endowed golfer. I hate that I’m going to have to revert to requesting a “tea with lemonade” instead of its prior nickname. Having to call it by that golfer’s name going forward will just be hard to swallow. Amen?
