As we type this, we’re sitting under an umbrella on Ocean Drive looking onto the gently lapping waves on Miami Beach.
We’ve been in town since last week for the just-ended Miami Beach Pride.
We’ve also been getting text messages from our husband and friends about how cold it’s been in Dallas. (Sorry, not sorry.)
Even though Pride may be over here, we discovered another reason (full of other reasons within that reason) for a surfside escape to the Queer Florida Coast:Rainbow Spring.
It started in March, but because it goes all the way through June, we figured we’d let you know all about it. The OUTshine Film Festival in late April and SweetHeat Miamiin mid-May are both upcoming events worth planning a vacation around.
It’s getting warm in Florida, but not sweltering yet, so it’s the perfect time to visit ahead of all the families visit during summer break.
Throughout this time, you’ll also discover plenty of LGBTQ activities around Miami Beach and Greater Miami. You can catch all the Greater Miami Convention & Visitor’s Bureau publication, The Pink Palm. But we have a few quick suggestions to highlight here, too.
After all, we’re still on a beach vacation and we’re at serious risk of getting sand in our keyboard.
We always love staying at gay properties, but this may be the absolute gayest one we’ve ever stayed at—and we’re not exaggerating. Located on the western coast of Miami Beach, this gay,adults-onlyproperty features well-appointed rooms (including a Fun King, which comes appointed with a sling, a sex bench and a tripod for filming your OnlyFans content—or a hot video that’ll shock your nieces and nephews after you die).
The hotel features daily breakfast for guests, complimentary WiFi, top-quality bath amenities and a gay bar that attracts both locals, visitors and hotel guests right next to the check-in desk. (You can buy lube and poppers there, too.)
Rooms are spacious and cleverly designed, the beds are comfortable, the showers are big, and you’re only a short Uber to South Beach and all the fun to be had there.
We’re also fans of the cheeky signage throughout. Want chips and cheese at the bar? Order the Bukkake. Wanna smoke? The signs make sure you know that you can only smoke poles at Hotel Gaythering. And the elevator buttons for the three-story hotel go from Bottom to Vers to Top as you rise.
So, you can clearly see it’s all about fun and not taking your hotel stay too seriously.
Oh, and we almost buried the lead. There’s a men’s sauna on the property, too. Yep, that kind of sauna. Hotel guests get access for free during their stays and visitors can purchase day passes for
Much like a gay cruise, you can find whatever you’re looking for at Hotel Gaythering. Even if that’s just chilling in your room with a movie like any other hotel.
Where to Eat
BakalòJaffaTam Tam
During our Miami Beach Pride visit last weekend, we ate at a few LGBTQ-owned restaurants that should be at the top of your list. Enjoy aabulous bottomless drag brunches at R House and Palace South Beach (We attended one on Saturday and one on Sunday because we can’t ever get enough drag queens death-dropping by our chicken and waffles).
For incredible Mediterranean fare on a splendid patio, head to Bakalò Miami. More Med food awaits inside the Mia Market Food Hall in the Design District at Jaffa, which has just added an Ocean Drive location to its roster, too. And for the best Vietnamese we’ve ever had in any city, Tâm Tâm. We would fly to Miami to eat at any of these spots, then right back to Dallas if we had the opportunity.
Things to Do
Most of our weekend focused on Pride-specific events and activities, but yesterday we had quite the kinky treat at the Museum of Sex. Years ago we toured the NYC original, but this far-more-spacious version has one element that’s 100% worth the price of admission alone.
The last stop on the tour of the Museum of Sex takes you into Super Funland: Journey into the Erotic Carnival. It’s like an R-rated amusement hall. Think Dave & Bust-a-Nutters. Or Chuck E. Sleaze.
You’ll find a glory hole whack-a-mole type game. A RuPaul Speaks fortune-teller-type machine. A 4-dimensional erotic movie theater. And even something called the Pornomatic that inserts your face onto a porn scene to hilarious effect.
It was honestly difficult to coax us out of there after more than an hour playing around.
