Pray that I remain relevant and valid in these times.
All-American. I appreciate wholesome representation in popular music. Mainly because it is so rare! We are beat down with the likes of Lady Gaga (were her parents high when they named her??), Ozzy Osborne (Rest in Pieces), and Khia (her neck and back need a massage!). Leave it to Sister Taylor Swift to bring redemption amid these heathens. I don’t mean to insinuate that Sister Taylor is bringing ill will upon the unsaved in popular music, but the Bible DOES tell us that “God’s judgment is Swift!” I’d like to congratulate Sister Swift on her recent engagement to Brother Travis Kelce. There’s nothing more All-American than a fiancée from America’s world of sports. And while I would never wish ill will on a bride-to-be, I believe that, based on that enormous diamond, we are paying our sports figures way too much. Unless, of course, Brother Kelce is tithing 10% to his church. In which case, all is forgiven, and I’ll just shake that off.
Affliction. I was doing some Bible study in the Old Testament recently. I find that some of the books of that Testament are rather obscure, written by prophets who never made the literary top ten list. Ancient scribes like Nahum, Malachai, Habakkuk and Micah. I’ve been focusing on the Book of Micah as of late. Micah’s words depict judgment and warnings toward those in power and their wicked ways. Imagine my surprise then when Dallas Cowboys owner, Brother Jerry Jones, traded a beloved team member away to an opposing NFL franchise. Who was that team member you ask? None other than MICAH Parsons. Let us all pray in agreement that Brother Jones personifies evil and wickedness in the NFL. Therefore, now that Micah has left his immense fan base here in Dallas, perhaps he will rain affliction in judgment when the Packers take on the Cowboys later this month. The faithful are watching and praying.
Artificial. Finally, Brothers and Sisters, the Lord has truly given me a gift with words and inspiration. I would like to proclaim that no Artificial Intelligence could ever replace my insights. However, just to test that theory, I asked ChatGPT to imitate my style of writing regarding the death of Brother Giorgio Armani (Italian Sodomite). Read now, the result: Beloved flock, let us bow our heads in reverent couture, for the passing of Giorgio Armani has left a hole in heaven’s wardrobe. The angels, once content in their flowing white robes, are now lined up at the pearly gates demanding tailored blazers and slimming silhouettes, while poor Saint Peter struggles to match his sandals with anything remotely Italian. Evangelicals everywhere are declaring Armani’s death as the final sign of the end times—when even the Almighty will need a personal stylist to appear presentable at the Second Coming. And friends, if the Lord himself returns in an off-the-rack suit, we will know that fashion, like morality, has truly gone out the window. This is rather good, and that worries me.
