This week, we’re examining the people who mistake public spaces and private encounters for opportunities to behave like absolute royalty.
Dear Sassy,
A man at my gym camps on the same machine for half an hour scrolling his phone. He says he’s ‘between sets’ when anyone asks. I don’t want to start a fight, but I’m tired of waiting. What would you do?
– Waiting for Reps
Darling Reps,
I’d begin with the radical suggestion that gym equipment is for exercising. Your gentleman appears to be using a very expensive chair to read his messages. Approach between sets and ask, ‘Mind if I work in while you’re resting?’ Most reasonable people will say yes, and the exchange takes less time than composing an angry internal monologue.
If he refuses, ask how many sets he has left. You are entitled to a straight answer, not an oral history of his fitness journey. If the gym has a policy about sharing equipment or time limits, let staff handle repeat offenses.
They are paid to manage the space. You are not. Resist the temptation to film him, shame him online or stage a confrontation worthy of a reunion special. All that accomplishes is making your own workout miserable.
And don’t assume every rest period is laziness. Heavy lifting requires recovery. The issue is monopolizing equipment while ignoring other people. Be polite, be direct and keep moving.
The only thing that should be taking up that much room is a truly spectacular pair of thighs.
Sassy, Help,
A guy I dated told his friends intimate details about our sex life. One of them repeated a joke about me at brunch. He claims it’s harmless because ‘everybody talks.’ I feel exposed. Am I overreacting?
– Not for Public Consumption
Dear Consumption,
No, and I’d be especially unimpressed by his defense. ‘Everybody talks’ is what people say when they want permission they never bothered to request. Adults can discuss their relationships with trusted friends.
That doesn’t mean every intimate detail becomes material for the brunch circuit. There’s a difference between seeking advice and entertaining an audience at someone else’s expense. Tell him exactly what crossed the line and what you expect: ‘I don’t want personal details about our sex life shared with your friends.
That includes jokes about me.’ Then pay attention to his response. Does he apologize and agree to stop? Or does he explain why your embarrassment is inconvenient for him? The first suggests a mistake he can correct.
The second suggests a man who values a laugh more than your trust. You don’t have to publish a rebuttal or recruit his friends to your side. Keep your own dignity intact. Intimacy requires discretion, even when the relationship is casual.
If he can’t understand that, darling, he has lost access to both your secrets and the source material.
Dear Sassy,
My friend answers video calls on speaker at restaurants, even while we’re eating. Last weekend she turned the camera toward our table without asking and introduced us to her cousin mid-bite. She says I’m uptight when I ask her to stop. Am I supposed to smile for every surprise broadcast?
– Not on Camera
Darling Camera,
Your friend seems to believe every restaurant table is a satellite studio. It is not. You agreed to dinner, not a supporting role in her cousin’s video call. Nobody owes an impromptu close-up between bites of risotto.
Tell her before your next outing: ‘I love catching up with you, but I don’t want to be on video calls while we’re eating. If you need to take one, please step away and keep me off camera.’ That’s not uptight. It’s an ordinary boundary delivered in a perfectly ordinary voice.
If a call comes anyway, don’t perform. Say, ‘I’m not joining the call,’ and turn away. If she points the camera at you, ask her to stop. You can also choose shorter lunches or a different companion if she repeatedly treats your objections as material for her own entertainment.
Emergencies happen, of course. A quick call about a sick child is not the same thing as broadcasting appetizers to a cousin who simply wants to gossip. The question isn’t whether she may use her phone. It’s whether she can remember that other people exist when she does.
That’s all for this week, darlings. Keep your manners sharp and your excuses brief.
Have a dilemma? Send your questions to asksassy@hesaiddallas.com. Your secrets are safe with me. Your excuses will be examined.
