Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on cruises with VACAYA Vacations, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy and on Instagram at @sisterhelenholy. Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.
Join me in prayer, Brothers and Sisters, as we reflect on this week in the world. Benghazi: Poor Hillary Clinton. She has been given the amazing power to wad people’s panties very tightly. Many fine Christian people watched the Benghazi hearings expecting to see Sister Clinton vilified in a barrage of damning questions and accusations. On the contrary, the inquisitors […]
I’ve waded through the muck and filth of this week’s news so you don’t have to. Here is my cleansed outlook on all of it. Debates: Lest I be accused of showing political favoritism, let us turn our eyes to the spectacle of debating Demoncrats this past week. Chiefly, let us consider Brother Sanders and Sister Clinton. I am fully […]
It’s been a slow news week, Brothers and Sisters. But, I’m never at a loss for words of comfort and wisdom. May these thoughts be a blessing to you. Columbus: Americans across this great country celebrated Columbus Day this week. Banks were closed. Mail service suspended. Government workers were idle…legally. All this to recognize an Italian who convinced some Queen […]
Hear ye, Hear ye, all ye who are heavy laden with the weight of the world. Let me lift your burden with these opines on all things current. Meetings: I have HAD IT with all this news about the Catholics! I couldn’t care less with whom the Pope did or did not have a meeting. Poor pitiful Sister Kim Davis […]
Politics are overwhelming my ministry. Praise the Lord, there are sports figures to ease my burdens. Read and receive a blessing. Curtains: The curtains came down on Sister Fiorina’s campaign for President. No, she hasn’t left the race, but the curtains LITERALLY came down on her during a campaign speech in Texas. Interestingly, I’d been praying that the Lord would […]
The Lord has moved in a mighty way, touching me deeply regarding current events. May my musings be a blessing to you as you reflect on the ways of this world. Quarterbacks: Let us all gather in prayer for healing for Brother Tony Romo, quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys. His delicate clavicle was injured after an unnecessarily rough rumble at […]
Filth. Corruption. Immorality. This week has had it all. Gird your loins, dear readers, for today’s dive into the cesspool of news. Pageants: Another indication of end times has befallen us on this earth. That bastion of all things ladylike, the Miss America Pageant, took a flying leap off the cliffs of good taste this past weekend. Miss America 1984, […]
This has been a week of utter chaos in our land. I am preparing for end times as I write this. Sinners everywhere, let us come together and pray over these important happenings. Clerks: I would like to honor a fine Christian Sister who is suffering for her faith. Sister Kim Davis, a dedicated servant of the County of Rowan […]
Current events are troubling the masses. Let me bring you up to speed with my take on the following news items. Mountains: Alaska. The biggest state in the US, and yet the least populous. Certainly the state got its fair share of press when it unleashed Sister Sarah Palin upon the world. Now, all eyes are on Alaska again as […]
Sin is rampant in our lands today. It is with great humility that I am able to bring you a Christian perspective on the evils of today. Read and be filled. Footlongs: Let us reflect on the amazing powers of Subway sandwiches and their ability to cause great weight loss. Brother Jared Fogle became Subway’s spokesman after he claimed to […]
