Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on cruises with VACAYA Vacations, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy and on Instagram at @sisterhelenholy. Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.
Let us all bow our heads in prayer over these concerns. AOL. I am bereaved at the news that AOL will be ceasing its dial-up web access. I have been a die-hard AOL subscriber since its inception and still use that storied email address. What is this world coming to when such an icon of internet connectivity is slowly being […]
I feel particularly verbose this week. Lust. I have to maintain a watchful eye over anything considered a part of “The Arts.” One person’s art is another person’s filth. As you all know, I expose myself to all facets of “art” so that I know what’s going on out there. (I just sometimes have to have a scrub bath afterwards.) […]
My prayers are centered here in my home state this week. Texas Education. My alma mater, the largest Southern Baptist University in the world, located in Waco, Texas, is back in the news again. Baylor University was given a grant by the John and Eula Mae Baugh Foundation to the School of Social Work for a study that would “help […]
I have been inspired by these stories moving among us. Monuments. There is a movement afoot to have our current President’s image added to Mount Rushmore, a monument carved into rock to honor some of our greatest early Presidents. Long a destination for tourists to gaze upon its glory and feat of sculpture, it is also a relative fragile façade […]
Much ado in this world today. Birthday. I celebrated a birthday this past week, and so many followers reached out to me on the interwebs. It was truly a blessing, even if some of these greetings were auto-generated (lazy people). I’m grateful that the Lord has given me another year of ministry, but even more grateful that so many people […]
I have been given the HOLY SPIRIT this week! Tallying. As a long-time member of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Babatist Church, it is incumbent upon me to comment on the meeting of the Southern Babatist Convention currently in my city of residence, Dallas. Every year, this convening of saints grindrs out resolutions of faith and power, completely devoid of […]
End times are at hand. Rapture. In biblical rapture news, Italian volcano, Mount Etna, must have had some bad parmesan as it belched forth ash, lava and unsolicited prophecy upon the sinners of Sicily. The locals, who had just finished building yet another gelato shop on sacred volcanic soil, were heard shouting, “It’s just a natural phenomenon!” But we Christians […]
I’m just shy of gnashing my teeth these days. Bags. I’m beginning to see why so many spiritual leaders have their own modes of air transportation. Private jets and Jesus are not really scripturally based in my mind, but I guess it’s subject to interpretation. The only reason I’m even mentioning this is because my ministry via air travel is […]
Let us pause for reflection. Pope. This is one of those rare occasions where I must give honor to the Catholics. As a Babatist, this pains me greatly, but it must be done. As soon as white puffs were emanating from the Sistine Chapel, I became concerned that the Cardinals were smoking the meth. (How quickly I forget those silly […]
Let us lift up these prayer concerns. Ideal. The Lord is moving again in our great nation! I’m getting involved in the reopening of Alcatraz. It will be now called “The Rock of Ages,” and will offer 24/7 revival services, baptismal dunk tanks in former solitary cells, and scripture study groups in what used to be the mess hall (because […]
